As a new (ish) mom I have developed a special appreciation for the word “helping.”
In our society it seems we do a lot to make sure our kids are independent. Unfortunately I think this creates problems later on in life, especially for women, because it creates people who are afraid to ask for help.
Asking for help has somehow become seen as a sign of weakness. A vulnerability that needs to be covered up. How can we possibly be perfect if we have to ask for help?
I can do it. I’ve got this.
It’s okay I have not slept in days. It’s okay that they know me by name at my local drive-thru window. It’s okay that I don’t have time to pack lunches. It’s okay that I’ve been so busy I have not been to the gym in a month.
I don’t need help. I can do this. I will just push my dig deep button one more time…
The truth is when we live life like this eventually that dig deep button is going to break.
It’s just not possible to keep pushing and pushing that button and expecting there will not be consequences.
The list of disorders and disease from stress seem endless, mental health issues, heart attack, high blood pressure and headaches, just to name a few. Some have gone as far to say that all disease and disorders in the body can be traced back to stress.
When we live in a state of constant busy and stress we are only kidding ourselves if we think we are not eventually going to have health problems as a result.
So what can you do to improve your health and reduce your constant state of busy?
Get the right people on your bus.
I like to think about life as a highway (I think there’s a song about that…) we are each driving our own bus in our own lane down the highway of life.
Everyone has to drive their own bus and everyone has passengers on their bus.
You want to make sure that you have the right people on your bus and the right people driving their buses bedside you on the highway.
Now the problem is for many of us not only are we driving our own bus but we are trying to drive everyone else’s bus. In life you can only actually drive your own bus.
No matter how much you want to help you kids, your mom, your sister, your best friend, the people you work, they have to drive their own bus.
The reality is we need people on our bus and we need to spend time on other people’s buses but problems arise when we:
Problem One – Spend too much time on other people’s buses or worse, try to drive their bus.
Problem Two – Have the wrong people on our bus for the wrong amounts of time.
We all know life is a balancing act. Those that succeed get this analogy and work at it each day.
Let’s break it down.
It’s SO important that you have the right people on your bus at the right time.
Often we stop asking or don’t even bother asking for help because we have asked the wrong people at the wrong time and things have not worked out for us.
Now instead of having a strong group of passengers who help us to navigate and keep our bus running well. We have a bunch of passengers who are not even sure which way we are going and when we do eventually breakdown don’t want to help us fix the problem so we can get back on the road.
People can (and should) be on your bus, but again, they need to drive their own bus and should not just be on for a free ride. On the highway of life these are called freeloaders.
We spend too much time on someone else’s bus. Sitting in the front telling them each little corner to take or worse actually taking over and driving their bus.
Although it’s true there are times in life when someone really close to us needs our help and as a result we have to spend extra time on their bus but this always comes at a cost. We cannot forget about our bus and our own passengers.
We need to be passengers on other buses, but can’t drive them and can only take a seat for a short time before we have to get back over to our own bus
What kind of driver and what kind of passenger are you?
Spend a bit of time this week thinking about your bus. Who is on it? Which passengers do you love and which might need to get off? Who’s buses are you riding on? What kind of passenger are you? Are you spending too much time on someone else’s bus or worse actually trying to drive it?