Last year I wrote a post, ‘Why I think mommy meet-ups are overrated.’ It’s funny how things change. At the time I was still a “newish” mom. Trying to find my confidence through learning to trust my intuition, which was difficult for me.
When Noble was a baby and I was a new mom I felt a tremendous amount of pressure. Looking back this was pressure that I put on myself. Always second guessing and judging myself.
When I met-up with other moms the internal judgement often turned to external judgement. Was I being the judge or was I on the witness stand being judged? In reality, it was probably a bit of both, but it never felt that way.
Whenever I was around other moms, especially those I did not know well, I felt I was being judged. Looking back now, I wonder if I felt this way only because I was doing a lot of internal judging.
This judgement came from a lack of confidence and an insecurity that most of the time I had no idea what I was doing.
Should he be on a sleep schedule? Should he be eating more solid food? Should he be able to talk by now?
Questions. Insecurities. Judgement.
It is true that internal judgement leads to external judgement. As a result, I did not love spending a lot of time with other moms.
As Noble has gotten older things have changed. I don’t question everything I’m doing. I don’t feel as insecure about the choices I’m making and thankfully my internal and external judgement has decreased.
I don’t feel the same amount of pressure to be perfect. For me, it has become easier.
I don’t know if this is the case for all moms, but I do know it has made me appreciate the time I spend with other moms more, especially the ones that mean the most to me.
Having a group of girlfriends is invaluable in the motherhood journey, which will inevitably be challenging and rewarding.
Being able to share the struggles and the victories with someone who knows you and understands your child truly is invaluable.
Last weekend I had a dinner party with a core group of my girlfriends. None of us are perfect. We all have our own struggles and stuff that we are dealing with. With these struggles come internal and external judgements. Acknowledging this makes me appreciate moments like this so much more.
It truly does take a village. Don’t overlook the power of your girlfriends in this village. It’s something I have done and it did not serve me well.
Embrace your mom network. Put the judgement aside. Appreciate that no one has all the answers but it’s better to be together than to suffer in silence.