Exactly one year ago today I found out that I was pregnant. As I’ve shared, my pregnancy came as a bit of a surprise to me. Not feeling as though I was mommy material, in combination with the never ending “what if” thoughts and all the changes that were suddenly happening to my body shot my stress levels off the chart.
When I found out I was pregnant I was in school full time, working full time and one week later my grandmother passed away. Needless to say I was faced with a lot of emotions and was having trouble trying to cope. Was I actually ready to have a baby? How do you know if you are ready to be a mom?
I’m not sure if there’s a “perfect time” to become pregnant. For many women it’s a balancing act between, having a partner who is also ready, being in a spot in our job where we feel comfortable and secure and of course being at the “ideal age” which for many is somewhere between 25 and 35.
But even when all these factors line up perfectly does that mean our maternal instinct should kick in? The truth is for me it did not, in fact I had convinced myself and most of my friends and family that motherhood was not meant for me, and then it happened.
Looking back now I can honestly say it was one of the most stressful days of my life and for me this stress continued for most of my pregnancy. I wish I could tell you about how I eventually calmed myself down, how I began to feel confident about this next chapter in my life and how I was able to face my fears, but that would be a HUGE lie.
Although I was happy about my pregnancy, it was still hard for me to accept the changes that were happening to my body and to truly wrap my head around the many ways my life was going to forever change. But change is a good thing right?
The thing about change is that no matter what, no matter how much we prepare, no matter how ready we think we are, change is hard. The reason it’s hard is because as humans we like routine. It’s in our nature to stick to the safety of the things we know. Which is why, many of us shop at the same stores every week, eat the same foods and hang out with the same people. We are creatures of habit and even though we have millions of choices, we like what is familiar.
A baby changes everything, especially for the first year. To me that was the scariest part, it was all the changes, the “what if’s” and the fear of the unknown.
Like anything, hindsight is always 20-20. Looking back now I can 100% say, don’t think because you don’t feel ready it means you are not ready. Don’t think there’s going to be a perfect time. Don’t think change is not hard, but…
Know you can get through anything. Know that things have a way of working themselves out. Know that it’s only a matter of time before the new and scary becomes the old and familiar.
Being ready means accepting your feelings, no matter how overwhelming or scary they seem, without judgement, accepting that change is inevitable and most importantly being okay with not feeling ready.
Today I can’t help but laugh at how I handled finding out I was pregnant, especially because it has been the best thing that ever happened to me and I would not change it for the world. Even when things don’t go as we planned, they usually have a way of working out and, often with a bit of faith, work out better than we could have ever imagined.
Do you feel ready to be a mom? How did you know it was time? What did you find most stressful about becoming a mom? I would love to hear, please share your comments and thoughts below.
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